What we say around our grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S., M.A., Health & Wellness Specialist

www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I watched a TV movie the other night that left me thinking. It had nothing to do with raising grandchildren, but it gave me food for thought about a mistake that is easy for a parent or grandparent to make when they are in a conflicting situation. In the movie there was a divorced couple with a teenage daughter. The mother was constantly complaining about the father and how he had never been there for them, etc, etc. etc. You know the story. When watching a movie, it was easy to see the harm the mother was doing to her daughter with constantly complaining about the father.

Sometimes grandparents can fall into this same trap when they are frustrated with the children's parents, whether the parents are always "in the way" or are simply "out of the way" too much. It is really important to be careful with what one says in front of the children or within ear shot. Children have amazingly good hearing when they want to.

So I guess my point is to be careful when we need to vent, who we vent to, and where (never to or around the children). Children should not have to choose who deserves their loyalty, and hearing negative about someone they love only causes more conflict for them. I'll get off my soap box now.

Karen Wright

A Grandmother in Love with her Grandchildren

www.TheWellnessWay.org

Comments

[Laura Bailey]

Karen,
This is such an important point that you bring up. Children love their parents even if they are in prison or strung out on drugs. When they hear you talk bad about their parents, it feels very personal to them, because it IS personal. It causes them to feel deep shame which is a terrible attack on their own self esteem. Low self-esteem can only contribute to unhealthy coping skills and lead to a new generation of problems. Thank you Karen for highlighting this critical point.

Yes, if you need to vent, find a trusted friend or a therapist and make sure the kids cannot hear you.

Laura

[Annie Moore]

Karen, I could not agree with you more! As a grandparent raising grandchildren, I can testify to the incredible stress that this can put on these children. They have been through so much, and must learn to deal on a daily basis with all the conflicting emotions that come with not being with their parents - for whatever the reason. It is very important to find someone to confide in when we need to vent and share about our own frustrations with the absent parents and be sure not to put this extra burden on the children. I appreciate your blog space and all that there is to glean from here.
Love My Grandbabies - Every One