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By Karen Best Wright

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October 10, 2006



I had custody of my granddaughter until her 15th birthday, she had become defiant and it finally came to physical violence. Her mother had cleaned up and started collage , so the court gave her back to her mom..
Last month my daughter, her mother was killed in a car accident and the stepfather was in a Coma.He has woke up, but it's going to be a very long road for him.
My granddaughter has came back to live with me, I haven't got a clue how to help her. She seems to blame me for everything. I don't know how to discipline her, she needs help mentally to deal with this. But refuses.. I'm at my wits end. I love her so much, but she won't cry. If I cry or touch her she gets upset..I just needed to get this off my chest


Seeing the same behavior beginning in my adopted twelve year old granddaughter that I saw in her mother I couldn't afford to allow history to repeat itself. I'm 69 years old and have six more years to raise her to adult age. I had to intervene and send her to a therapeutical boarding school where hopefully she will learn to cope and deal much better than her mother. The sad news is that I'm facing my limits and don't believe I can allow her to live with me when she graduates from this program. I am going to enroll her in traditional boarding school and try my best to be the best "grandmother" that I can. It's going to break her heart to know she can't come back home again. This is unbearable.


Wow! After reading these posts I realized I am not alone. My husband and I got custody of our granddaughter at the age of 5 she is now 18. It has been a bittersweet experience raising her. We got her involved into church, 4-H projects and tried to be as supportive as we could. During the entire time of her living with us she had no contact from her mother. Mothers choice, not ours, I tried to get her mother to visit to come to special events and be involved in her daughters life, but because of her mothers hate towards myself she wouldn't participate. However her step grandmother would call and come pick her up and keep some contact till she got older then my granddaughter decided that she didn't want to go there anymore. I didn't force the issue I left that choice to her. This Christmas the other side called to see if she would like to come for a get together, after no contact for at least 6 months or more. So she said yes reluctantly. Just spent one day that's it. Came home and instantly became a different person, defiant, disrespectful, rebellious. Just really difficult to deal with. She had her 18th birthday in January, we had a dinner celebration with her friends and family from home. Her other side planned to do the same the following week just to end up cancelling on her. Then on valentines day she didn't come home from school no phone call no nothing. After searching Facebook and other avenues we found out she was picked up by her mother, previously planned via texting. She has decided to withdrawal from school, moved out of our house and her mother is the best thing since sliced bread! We are left with broken hearts and much confusion! She will not talk to me she has changed her number, blocked me from FB it's just amazing how these kids always go back no matter what! It has only been 12 days since she left but seems like much much longer. Now the other side is trying to make us out to be the worse abusive grandparents ever and she is going along with it! It's crazy I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone! So I really don't know what to say to other grandparents out there some times loving them is just not enough! I pray for her each day that the Good Lord keeps her safe. Then I leave it in His hands.


I am in the same situation. 15 year old grandaughter living with me . Just starting to have that hateful attitude. She is really starting to be very ugly toward me. Her mother hasnt been in her life as a mother at all. I am felling like I just cant do this ... When she was little we were so close. She hase gotten so cold hearted. It is like She Hates me. Nothing I do is right.


I hear echo's of my own life thru your message.In and attempt to show my love for our granddaughter I decided I needed let her know how much I loved her mother for having her for giving her life and that what she was feeling was ok I would be mad too in her place I let her know I had no control over how her mother behaved and as grandma & granddaughter all we could do was
breath and one day a month no matter what we have granddaughter
day when she gets to be the granddaughter & you get to be grandma I also try to teach the children that there are many changes in life we will have to indure some well be harder than others with just one postive mommet a day you can change a negative mind set.We still Have those days that seem trying I remind myself how much I love her
I might have to say it to myself a few times she only has to hear it once with meaning to know that I really do it may not change anything with her but it helps me for her to know do what ever you do with the love of her in your heart and know that she needs Grandma not mom .

Ranny Jean

Your granddaughter has had her spirit crushed and broken. Just love her and keep loving her. Trust me, she hears what her mother is saying, it is just to hard for her to admit it.
My granddaughter is 5 and one day when her mom didn't pick her up for visitation as promised, she became very angry at me and defiant. When I asked her what was wrong she said, 'I am mad at my mommy and since she isn't here and you are, I am mad at you.'
These kids are confused. Try having end of the day talks with her, see if you can get her to sit on the end of your bed or vice versa and just start talking about everything but her mom.

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