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By Karen Best Wright

  • I LOVE YOU FROM THE EDGES: Lessons from Raising Grandchildren

  • MORE BOOKS ABOUT RAISING GRANDCHILDREN



Comments

maryjane

thank you for the information.

maryjane

nice.

Karen

Sarah, I have updated my bio.

Sarah

Hi Karen. I was wondering if there is an update to your story?
Sarah

HV

This article highlights the complex issues of what happens when the parents are either not able to, or for some reason can't raise their own children. Thanks for sharing

Lisa Grodsky

I coordinate the OLHSA Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (kinship program and support group) in Oakland County, Michigan. We have 40 parenting grandparent participants. ....There are so many more, silently out there.... Thank you for sharing your story Karen! This topic needs to trend more often than it does!

tina maeder

hi my daughter signed over her legal rights and the dad to us at the birth of their child a beautiful baby girl she was 18 he was 20 they had no ins and income she wanted to be be a nurse which she did follow thru on but their history of drugs job lost hasnt changed including a break up and drinking problems with my daughter she did not want the dad in the picture anymore at all but she really hasnt been in the picture either since the child was 23months the child has always lived with us mama and papa my daughter did as she pleased the child is 7 yrs old attends school in or town piano dancing lessons after school church choir and daisies which i am the leader lol we have been the childs sole support financially ect well to let you know my daughter met a man older then her 36 he also has temper and drinking issues she is now 26 lives an hr away from her daughter and us has decided to take her daughter back a yr and a half ago court money lots to keep are grandchild in the place she calls home and has always know has been a struggle for us but in are heart we feel we are doing what is best for are granddaughter the past history of bailing are daughter out of her messes money car payments putting her in a apt after getting kicked out from her boyfriends house we have tired to keep her in are granddaughters life but now even her dad sees her she is thrilled to know she wasnt found under a rock she does have a mom and dad the dad cannot take care of her still at this time he agrees that she is fine where she is are court date is set for april 4 2014 are daughter closed the case last march due to hitting bottom once again her debt has caused a law suite for her she has a problem with lying over and over again to make things seem to be not as they are in my heart i feel this kind of situation for a child to be raised 7 plus yrs in a grandparents home should be allowed to stay and continue their life as is and i think if the courts expect a grandparent to set up and take responsiblity for their grandchildren had better think fast for a law or decision for this or the grandparents who have lived this will pass on this info and results will be more children in the system which is overflowing now thank you

Donna Baker

OK. Here's my question. Have been raising our grandchild for past four years. History-
Mom a drug addict/jail bird
Dad (not biological) on birth cert. and lived with her long enough to be binding.

Issue: Mom in jail, Dad absent for over 2 years, Dad remarried with "new" family moving out of the state.

Child wants to be adopted by us(she is 11). Mom not keen on the idea but "thinking" about it.

Mom broke the news about dad during an infrequent phone call from jail(not infrequent).

We have set rules on Mom seeing the child, must be drug free for 6 months out of jail.
Child idealizes Dad.

My question, should we tell her about Dad not being biological? He has never kept it a secret, first introduction to family, he announced that he was not the
Dad, much to my shock. We just haven't told her and am fearful that when she finds out, she will not understand.
Thoughts?

We have told her that adoption is an uphill fight and without Mom's consent could cause other issues. That she is OK the way things are, she knows she is safe and loved.

Wm Kelley

My story is not so unusual,I married my high school girl friend. We had a son, got divorced, tried it again and had another son. We then separated for good after the second son was born.
It's my second son who gave me a my wife of 2 years,(we've been sweethearts for 25 yrs.) a beautiful granddaughter in 2006.Elizabeth has always thought of Carmen(my wife) as grandma.Carmen has been there in her life from day one,from the day she came home from the hospital.
My son and his girlfriend did not work and my son was given custody.
Well my son did not quite know what he was in for and frankly can barely take care of his self. March of 2012 found him living in a camping trailer without electricity or running water. My wife and I took Liz in. We've tried to help my son several times in the past and he did not appreciate our efforts so we decided to let him let rough it for awhile in the hopes he would wake up and realize just what he had in this loving, bright child. To date he is still asleep.
As summer turned to fall and school was starting we found ourselves enrolling Liz in kindergarden, becoming parents, taking on all the responsibilities of parents. For my part I enjoy it. My wife though was not ready to take on the part of a full time mother. Do not get me wrong she has stepped up just fine. She is child less her self and never wanted kids. This is where the friction lies. Carmen is afraid we may have to raise Liz and eventually end up putting her thru college with all the expense that would entail. I can not turn, will not, turn Liz out or return her to my son till he can provide for her like she needs. At the same time I do not what to loose the relation and bond I have with my wife. Has anyone gone thru this, how did you handle it?

Adelaida

Thank for this post.I had to move near my daughter to take care of my 2 year old grandson.My daughter has to obtain her degree in curriculum and instruction .I support her in every way I can

Karol

I moved an hour away to be close to my daughter when she had her baby. After her 3 month leave I began caring for my little precious one. This is an experience of a lifetime for me. I have linked you back to my blog about the Boomers becoming Grandparents in a society where the family is so fragmented. I hope you enjoy reading it :)

Jean

Karen:
I am truly praying you will get strong enough to share 'the rest of the story with us.' I know it is heart breaking and you might want to talk to my friend Melinda at melindasfabricfancies.blogspot.
She recently lost her grandchildren after having them for many years!

CurtissAnn

Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I have tears in my eyes. My situation is far less desperate (I have one very high-spirited grandson, and help from his stable father.)yet I share the emotions you speak of. I often feel inadequate and overwhelmed. I have kept thinking I should be able to keep up with things better--in the past six months, we made a move to live closer to our son. About the time I got into the house, with my husband still at our old house in a different state, our grand's step-mom left. It was a shock. His mother never had been a mother, makes only occasional appearances. I am now the only mother he has ever really known. Thanks for your blog. You help me put things into perspective. We are blessed indeed.

Karen Wright

To harley1993rider:
Your email didn't come to me, so I couldn't email you directly. Your question is one you need to ask an attorney. But I would think if your son has joint physical and legal custody with you, he might be able to do just what you are asking about. If you would like to communicate with me further, you can email me directly. At least your grandson is 14 and not 4. To me that would be even harder. That is obviuosly my own personal opinion. Karen

harley1993rider

I am raising my grandson for 14 years. He was placed in my care at the age of 3 months due to child abuse. I have shared physical and legal custody with his father, who is my son. Last evening he said he wanted him to begin living with him. After 14 years of raising this child with special needs would his dad just be able to decide to pick him up and take him home?

Pierre trudel

Hi Karen, what a courageous story you have and must share. Their are great people out their and you and your husband are part of these.My wife and I have been married for 38 years with 3 children and 6 grandkids. We raised one of our little girls from grade 1 to grade 5 until we let our daughter assume full time care under our supervision.We have a story also and maybe someday we can share it with you.Obesity in chidren and grandchildren is our cause and that is why I send you this message. Who is taking care of the kids if grandparents like us don't? We are very conscerned.Keep up your great work.Pierre & Pierrette Montreal Canada.

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