Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Reading with Grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I enjoy reading with my granddaughters before they go to bed. We take turns reading a Bible story before bed and then I read a short story or chapter of our current book. Right now we are reading Ramona Quimby Age 8. I have been really stressed lately, so it was really fun to read and laugh together at some of the funny situations Ramona gets herself into. My 8-year-old was so interested in the story that she read it by herself not long ago. So I have to remind her NOT to tell the rest of us what is going to happen in the next chapter.

We have so many books in our home, and my 6-year-old has already picked "The Little Princess" to read next, even though we have already read it. The last book we read was a book of Fairy Tales. It took us probably about a month to get through it. And my! were there some horrid stories we read. I actually skipped some of the words while reading. But we were determined to get through the book. We all just sort of said, "Yuck, that is disgusting" at parts of the stories.

I much prefer reading Ramona Quimby, The Little Princess, or Sarah Plain and Tall.

Karen Wright
Grandmother Raising Grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Heading home with pink crystals for grandchildren

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

What a wonderful time I have had in Louisiana visiting my son and grandson and my grandson's other grandmother and grandfather. We leave to go home in the morning, a 1000 mile drive.

We finished painting the little room that will be his playroom. What a job for such a tiny room, and I only stepped in the paint pan once, with my sandals on. Yuck, what a mess. Painting the room probably means more to me than my grandson, but that's okay.

We took a picture after we put the primer on the walls and after we had finished the room completely but had forgotten to take a before picture. I wonder why I seem to always forget to take the before pictures of my projects.  I will miss my grandson when we leave, but I am eager to get home to my little granddaughters who live with us and give them the beautiful pink crystal rocks that I bought for them. I didn't even look for any bones. I will leave that to them.

Karen Wright, B.S.
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Still in Louisiana

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

Well, I lucked out big time. My son was actually able to come on shore for a few days, so we have gotten to see him as well. How wonderful. The tricky thing has been what to do with my grandson that he could long remember. I am not very big on going and wasting money on things that will be forgotten, especially when money is tight. So we decided to redo his little tiny playroom that he has. By redoing it, I merely mean repainting it and buying him a bookcase and organizing things. This way we have left something that he can always remember.

What a chore it has been. It had lady bugs, bears, and trees painted in bright colors all over the wall on top of bright yellow paint. So after several coats of high hide primer, we are ready to paint the light icy blue paint he picked out. We will finish it tomorrow.

I admit while I love being down here spending time with my son and grandson, I am eager to get home and get my girls (granddaughters) back  home and get back settled into our routine. Plus I can't do all of the "work" I need to do because all of my programs are not on my laptop. I need to remedy that problem.

But the trip has been successful, lot's of bonding and love.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
http://raisingyourgrandchildren.com
www.blogforhealthyliving.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Visiting Grandson in Louisiana

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com

The two grandchildren we are raising are visiting their mother for spring break. So I decided that it was past time to visit my 8-year-old grandson in Louisiana (1000 miles from me) who I had not seen for almost 3 years. Unfortunately, I am not able to see my son, because he works off shore and was called out to work. At first my grandson was afraid I would cancel my trip when his daddy was not going to be here. No way, I was on my way to visit my grandson.

My son and his wife are separated, so things could have been tricky. But fortunately both sides of the family are kind and have common sense. I spent Easter Sunday with the big family gathering of his other grandmother's family. This was only the second time I had met any of them. But this trip was a special trip, and it became obvious to us all that I am part of their family whatever happens. The other grandmother was afraid that I would not want my grandson to participate in their family Easter reunion since I get down here so seldom. I assured her, "now that you know me better, you should never worry about that again." So we had a bonding experience. It was really nice for me to see how much my grandson is loved by my daughter-in-laws side of the family. I am the outsider, so it was wonderful being included in their family reunion. We even took a picture of our grandson with his two grandmothers. I will frame the picture, so our grandson can hang it on his wall and always remember that he has two grandmothers who love him very much.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchlden.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Should or should I not raise my grandchildren?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

I am writing this post for the grandparents out there who are in the process of being forced with the decision of whether or not they should raise their grandchildren.

I recently received an email from a grandmother who had taken in 3 grandchildren. There was no possibility for the children to ever go back to the mother and the different fathers. The grandmother was discouraged and had health problems. She had two weeks to decide whether or not she and her husband would take permanent custody of the children, adopt them, or let someone else adopt them.

This is a very difficult decision to make, and there is no one right answer for everyone. I feel for the grandparents who carry the guilt that they must raise another family when their health is poor and they are overwhelmed at even the thought of it. Yet, they love their grandchildren dearly.

I just want to say to grandparents in this situation. After you have prayed very intently on this decision and feel that the children and yourselves would be better off for you not to raise them, do not go on a guilt trip and destroy yourself. Sometimes when children come with very severe abuse issues, it can be more than an older grandparent or even a younger grandparent can handle. This grandmother who wrote me felt like she was a horrible person because she didn't know what to do. The decision that is made needs to be the right one for everyone, even the grandparent.

While some grandparents are fortunate enough to get little children or babies before they have had a chance to become severely abused and destructive, other grandparents are not so fortunate and may actually be faced with a situation that they honestly can not handle for the long term. So whatever decisions are made, each grandparent can only do the best they can do and must some times let others take over when they can not.

Those of us who are raising our grandchildren must never pass judgment on those who feel that they cannot. I hope there are not any of us out there like that.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This is what I mean about the difference between foster care and grandparents raising grandhcildren

By Karen Best Wright, B.S. www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

The other day I was reading a news article online from Montana. I read about a grandmother who had raised three grandchildren for 7 years. Then her daughter shows back up and only has to petition the court to get her kids back. After 7 years and that is all she did? The judge recommended, mind you, recommended that the children have visitation with the grandmother. Well, the mother moved out of state and the grandmother rarely gets to see them.

Now, if the children had been wards of the state in the foster care system, this most likely would never have happened. The states do not let children just hang in the foster care system (or at least they shouldn't) for years without trying to get them adopted or in permanent situations.

This is where there is a great need for laws to change to help grandparents who have taken on the parenting roll. They should have the same rights as the government has. I am appalled that such a thing could happen without the consent of the grandmother who had taken over the mother role for seven years. The article did not say if the children were appointed an attorney or not. This grandmother was an educated woman with a responsible job. It is not like she was living in squalor and the children were better off somewhere else. This is the type of thing that raises my blood pressure.

Karen Wright, B.S. Community Health Education
www..BlogforHealthyLiving.com
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.SeniorPro.com

Congratulations Jean for winning March's Free Give-a-Way

Congratulations Jean

Congratulations goes to Jean at http://www.quiltingranny.blogspot.com for winning March's free give-a-way, the Fabric Panel Map of the U.S. I hope you do something fun with it for your grandchildren.

Check out April's free give-a-way item.

Karen Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com

Grandparent visitation rights - Why and Why Not?

By Karen Best Wright, www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

This is a very important and hot topic and one that has both sides upset about it. I do not have any good answers, but I have my opinions on the topic. I am not for blanket grandparent visitation rights. It actually makes no sense to me. Just because my daughter and her husband have children does not give me inherent rights to them. (Now if they were to turn them over to me to raise, I would have different feelings and beliefs). Ideally, people should love each other and want to have bonding relationships together. But obviously life is not ideal for many.

Since I am a grandmother raising grandchildren, you would think I would be admittedly for grandparent visitation rights. But I am not. It is not that simple. I am in favor of whatever is in the best interest of the child and yes the parents matter too. Since every child is different as well as their relationship with their grandparents, there cannot be one law that would be right for everyone.

There are laws that fit everyone, "do not steal, do not kill, do not beat people up, do not drive recklessly," etc. but when it comes to relationships, it is a case by case issue. 

Now let's flip the coin. My opinion changes when a grandparent has become an important part of that child's life. Perhaps that grandparent has been the child's part-time or full-time caregiver or has just developed a very strong bond with the child. If a grandparent is actually raising a grandchild, then they most definitely should have legal rights. But back to mere visitation. If the bond is unncessarily broken between a child and the grandparent, emotional harm could be done to the child. There are a lot of scenario's where this might happen, such as in the death of an adult child and the other parent moves far away, or a divorce where an adult child loses all rights and obviously so would the grandparents.

However, let me flip the coin over once again. I will make up a fictional scenario (which in many families is NOT fictional). A grandparent is raising a grandchild because her own child is unable to raise the child and the other parent severely abused the child which caused long-term psychological trauma. The last thing the custodial grandparent might want is the other grandparents on the other side of the family visiting the child continually reminding the child of the severe abuse that was suffered. Sometimes these children need to be protected from their harmful past. Even if the other set of grandparents did not directly harm the child, their continual involvement could be detrimental to the the child and the custodial grandparent.

If a grandparent is not allowed to develop a relationship with a grandchild and the grandchild is not in danger and is being well cared for, perhaps the left-out grandparent needs to trust God and keep a record of their own lives through a journal of pictures and writings to be given to the grandchild when he or she is an adult.

When I see people fighting for across the board grandparent visitation rights it is very uncomfortable to me. As a parent and now a grandparent raising grandchildren, I would not want to be forced to let the other grandparents visit my child if I thought it would be detrimental to them or too stressful on me. And yes, I believe my health and level of stress I experience is important, since I am the one raising children 24 hours a day and the children are dependent on my well-being as well.

Karen Wright, B.S. Pathway to Healthy Living
Grandmother raising grandchildren
www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com
www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com