Pulling weeds and planting flowers

By Karen Best Wright - www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com 

 

I have been thinking recently about many of my readers who have written me directly about their situations. As an avid reader, I have been reading a book that explains how we need to remove negative events, people, and thoughts out of our lives as much as possible, just as a gardener removes the weeds from her garden. I thought about this for some time and could see the truth and complications with this idea. By all means when we can, we remove the negative from our lives, but sometimes those negatives might be people or events that we CANNOT remove from our lives. 

 

I have found two alternatives that I am working on in my own life to help with those negatives that just can't or don't go away. One is to realize that it is not as much the negative person or situation, but the negative thinking and negative emotions we have toward the person or situation that we need to remove. This can be very difficult to do sometimes but is vital if we are to find peace and cope with difficult situations. Withdrawing the judgment and simply recognizing that we don't understand someone else's brain, and actually feeling compassion that someone's life is so messed up, can help us in coping with our own lives. For the second alternative, which actually just reinforces the first alternative, let's go back to the gardener scenario. If you cannot pull the weeds for whatever reason, then plant so many flowers (positive thoughts and actions) that you can't see or focus on the weeds.

 

Here is an example: Sometimes a grandparent feels frustrated and even angry at their own children (the parents of their grandchildren) that they have been placed in a position to have to give up their own retirement plans to start a family all over again and raise grandchildren. Here are some things to think about.

 

1. This morning I tried to call a former client of mine who I had helped with her Internet marketing. She had not been a client of mine for a couple of years, so I decided to call her to see how her business was going and if she needed my help with anything. This woman I believe was about my age. Anyway when I called, the man who answered the phone asked who I was. I told him and he gently replied, "She is deceased." Well, that is one alternative; she is not raising grandchildren, BAD alternative.

 

2. A woman that my husband knew at work retired a couple of years ago. A few months after retiring and getting ready to do all of those wonderful retirement things people do, she died of a heart attack. She is not raising her grandchildren, again BAD alternative.

 

3. A man that I know, who is a bit younger than I am has grandchildren that he is not raising. He has liver cancer. Everyone else is taking care of him, again BAD alternative.

 

I believe those of us who are raising our grandchildren are the lucky ones. So when we can't pull the weeds from our lives, plants lots of flowers to enjoy instead.

Comments

[philippine flowers]

Very inspiring post. I really appreciate what you mean by that. I definitely agree with you that "By all means when we can, we remove the negative from our lives, but sometimes those negatives might be people or events that we CANNOT remove from our lives." Thanks for sharing.

-fern-

[Barry Levit]

I think about this one alot. I have learned alot being in recovery for the last three years, and as such, being given the opportunity to do alot of things over again, and much better.

1. Life, my life, only happens in my own head. Perception is everything and no one thing is inherently good, bad, negative, positive or anything else until we write the story in our heads. Life in a weird way, is fiction. None of us own the market on "truth"

2. A wonderful slogan to adopt, I did, "What you think of me, is none of my business." I love this

[Queenofphrump]

Thank you for this post. It sure goes with the reminder to count our many blessings to get our heads straight again!

Love you blog and the support you offer to all of us out here raising second sets.