Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Step-Grandparenting

I have been impressed with the numerous positive comments that have been sent to me from the survey on www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com. One in particular has been the appreciation of women whose husbands are their grandchildren’s step-grandpas and who have been very supportive.

I put myself in this same category. My husband and I were married for about four months when our three little granddaughters came to live with us (over 3 years ago). At that time, the children’s ages were 2 months, 2 years, and 4 years old.

My husband is a very low-key calm type of person. He was not accustomed to the high maintenance of 3 little girls and his nervousness showed through in different ways. At the time, it was annoying to me, but now we both just laugh about how he responded even to the extent of how nervous he was if I was not in his immediate sight. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without hearing him call for me wondering where I was. It didn’t matter how quick I tried to be.

My husband admits that it took him about two years to adjust, and I must admit he has done a very fine job adjusting. However, everyday is still a learning experience. I wish all grandmothers who are raising grandchildren could have the same support and help from husbands that many of us experience.

Native American Tribal Rights

This is the story of a grandmother who has communicated with me through www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com. She was not able to gain legal guardianship of her granddaughter because of Native American Tribal Rights. These are her words.

June 2005 - After having my granddaughter for 10 months, finally I sought guardianship and the case went to court. Mom didn’t show (my daughter is a meth addict) and dad had already signed off his approval for me as guardian. Now for the shocker--my granddaughter is a bit over 1/4 Native American, from both her paternal grandfather and myself. The paternal grandfather's tribal attorney showed up and demanded the child be put back with the mom so the child would not loose her "tribal ties." There is a federal law that requires "Indian" children remain in "Indian" homes and giving the tribe "say so" over the courts. I have my granddaughter temporarily for one more month. My ex-husband has more Indian blood than I, so HIS tribe has jurisdiction. Caregivers need
to know about this law. It was originally made to stop states from sending Indian children into non-Indian foster homes. It was not intended to divide families.

A few months later… I lost the bid for guardianship of my granddaughter. My ex-husband's tribe hired high-powered Indian law attorneys and the tribe was basically able to take jurisdiction of the case away from the Superior Court Judge. They said my granddaughter would lose her "tribal ties" if I were given guardianship. My granddaughter is well over 1/2 Hispanic, but there was no consideration given to those "cultural ties." I did manage to negotiate visitation, every other weekend. The little girl was returned to her mother in mid-August. I had her for one year. It was very traumatic and is still traumatic for her. When I have to return her to her mom after a visit she screams, cries, and begs me not to make her go back. ~  By Grandmother Susan  ~

To Susan, My heart goes out to you and your sweet little granddaughter. I certainly hope the Tribe is monitoring to be certain she is well cared for. As you strive to maintain the bond that you built with this small child, remember she will not always be a small child. Someday, she will be grown and the bond that you continue to strengthen will become invaluable. As she grows, help her feel that “many” love and want her, especially you.